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courtney

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He is Our King [15 Jun 2005|11:17pm]
There are no words or actions that could express how i felt at camp. I mean after being loyal to Him on this Earth you get to go to Heaven to be with Him and feel that feeling all the time and even then the feeling would be so much greater and so would His love for you. The Lord is the beginning and the end. He made this place that we live in to test our loyalty and rightenous to Him. In the End all of those who were faithful get to be with Him.

I even realized at camp that Christianity isn't a religion but a relationship with God.

And I also realized: "I'd rather suffer obediently than prosper disobiently because I know my obedient suffering is as temporary as my disobedient prospering." Basically I am going to live my life for Christ and nothing no one can say or do will stop me from doing that. I will speak out and tell people about the Lord our God who died for us to be here. It's sad how people are so blinded from seeing his great powerful love. It especially hurts me when I see my dad. He's not saved but yet i never lose hope and pray for him to get saved. I wish that before he dies he excepts God into his heart and becomes one of God's children. Gosh camp was...idk...just AWESOME. I learned that all testimonies are the same, you were lost and now been found. That meant so much to me. One of the testimonies shared at camp just stuck out more to me. And here's a verse that kinda explains it...1 John 2:15-2:17 "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does- comes not from the Father but the world. The world and it's desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." So Salvation Comes From The LORD.

After camp on the loong bus ride home I decided to read the last chapter of the Bible (Revelations). It's a great chapter and a great ending.

The mightiest among the birds is the Eagle.
The mightiest among the domestic animals is the Bull.
The mightiest among the wild beasts is the Lion.
And the mightiest of all is men.



Near the end of Revelations was the greatest.

Revelation 19:6
"On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: Kings of Kings And Lord of Lords."

Revelation 21:6
"He said to me: It's done. I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. To him who is thristy I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life."
3 //i rock.

[06 Jun 2005|03:18pm]

I need a miracle.

1 //i rock.

What Would You Think Of Me Now? [31 May 2005|03:15pm]
[ mood | creative ]

Wow school is over. Were not freshmans anymore and were not so young anymore. Our parents in some ways trust us a little more. We have gained and lost so many friends, so many people. Let me just say "Thank you." I never did have a chance to say that yet. Thanks for being my friend for a day, a month, maybe 2, or maybe forever. I went through a lot of crap this year but through so many memories too. I'm just wondering what people think of me now. Now that i have changed in so many ways. People hate me, people love me, poeple don't even know me. All I can say is that I'm sorry if I made you hate me or love me. Because usually when you love someone your going to hurt them. Maybe not on purpose maybe on accident. So I'm sorry if in the future i do that. I'm sorry I made you hate me. that's my fault. I never gave those people a chance I guess. I don't know. Also not one of you guys in my life know me. Well you do but not my soul. No one has tried to dig deep enough even though it's full of holes and waiting to be filled. With love and friendship and hope. Not pain anymore. It's like someone shot me so many times. Only a few of those are filled because well i'm still only 15. I'm not even half way though my life and yet it seems I've been alive forever. So i guess that's why most aren't filled. But I will tell you that the ones that are are becuase of the people and things in my life now. It's going to get better but it's going to get worse too. Here's a few things this school year that i will never forget and a few people...
May Angels LEAD YOU InCollapse )

4 //i rock.

[30 May 2005|12:09pm]
Jimmy Eat World

"Here You Me"


There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
I thought I might get one more chance

What would you think of me now,
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
Never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

So what would you think of me now
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in


May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in


And if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one last time
A song for a heart so big
God wouldn't let it live

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
i rock.

[25 May 2005|09:42pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I'm about to break. Just leave me alone.

i rock.

I LOVE Crosses...i think i'm obsessed. [22 May 2005|06:50pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Hmm i have a lot to say but i just don't know how to start or know how to write it out. Well on
FRIDAY
Nick & Kylie came over to my house. First we swam because it was so incredibly HOT. Me and Kylie went in my clothes and Nick went in his jeans and everything. HAHA they were so skin tight it was kinda disturbing j/k. Then when we finally got out we set me and Nick's complex machine a flame. It burned striaght to the ground. WHOOP! I enjoyed seeing that thing go. Then we went back in the pool because the flames were smoldering. And then we played on my swing set for awhile. After that we got dried off and ready to go to the movies. When we got to the movies me and Nick bought tickets to Star Wars III: Revenge of The Sith. Nick kept begging Kylie to go with us but she said NO. haha Nick is so dumb thinking Kylie will say yes. So Nick and I went into Star Wars. It was such an AWESOME movie. I LOVED IT!!!!!!! When the movie ended about oh 3 hours later we went outside to meet with Kylie and everyone else. YEAH....lot of stupid drama. That's why i just don't really go to the movies anymore...whatever. Then Me, Kylie, and Justin were all hanging out and Justin was talking about how many times he's gotten stabbed and crap and telling Nick how many and what kinds of guns he has. I was just like WOW he is so full of shit. lol i just laughed to myself. Then this mexican who i guess was Justin's friend asked if me & Nick were going out? Um no? we weren't even doing ANYTHING that would potray that we are boyfriend and girlfriend. We both said no and then he asked well are you guys brother and sister? haha omg this guy was on crack. I have no clue how he got both of those ideas in his head but he's just like ok nevermind you don't get it. Um GET WHAAT?? Wow damn MeXiCaN's. That was the most weirdest thing EVER. So then my ex-bestfriend Brittany came over to talk to me. It was kinda like old times but the "new" Brittany who i really disliked was still streaming out of her. God i just don't get why she has to act like such a bitch sometimes. Seriously i know the deepness of her. I KNOW she is such a sweet person and yet she lets the tobacco smoking sexually active Brittany come out. It just isn't her anymore. We talked for about 5 minutes or so and Nick was just like hmm she still smokes you should have told her smoking kills. haha yeah i know. She wouldn't listen anyways because i told that to her so many times before we stopped being friends. Oh well i just hope she will one day find her way. She is so lost and she doesn't even know it. After that we found Kylie and Justin again but my mom came so i left. Half way home Nick calls me all upset about Kylie and Justin so we drove back to pick him up. He said he was done with her but i don't believe it. Sorry Nick. So when i got home Wesley calls me and GAHH it was so interesting. We started kinda flirting and stuff so i was like ok i'm gonna tell him what i thought about him in 8th grade. I just flat out told him that i had a crush on him last semester of 8th grade. He said are you serious? I did too! I couldn't believe it. He said damnit Courtney why didn't you tell me before i left? haha oh well Wes. If it's meant to happen it will. But it just totally made me feel better about myself and guys. Because ya know i can't seem to get one guys attention whatever.
Saturday
I had to work but i got my paycheck!! YESH!! After that i tried to eat but Newton got to it first so i had nothing. haha. Then i took a shower and got ready to go to Nick's house. I got there a played with his puppies for awhile. Then we decided to watch PREDATOR!!!!!!!!! i love that movie SO much! sshhh don't tell anyone. HAHA so yeah after that awesome movie was over his friend Danny came with McDonald's so that got all of our stomach's going but he only brang enough for him. pssh. So we ordered pizza. While we were waiting me and Nick's sister Elise (spelling?) made Hershey's brownies!! OMG they were scrumptious!! Then we started to watch Alien but i had to leave thank god for that too because the first like 30 minutes of it was just trying to land a ship. And the Alien they did show was so fake it was FUNNY!! HAHA oh well. So i went home and went straight to sleep.
Today
I slept in and i LOVED it!! Ahh i only get to do that once a week which SUCKS. Woke up and got groceries with my mom and she let me drive for awhile. Then i got home and took a nap. Then my dad told me to study. He goes out of town on Tuesday! Can't wait! Yeah so now i'm here really bored. I might watch A Series of Unfortunate Events later because we bought it today!! YAY! I'm bringing my video recorder tomorrow and makin all my friends SATRS! j'k.

1 //i rock.

Take A Breath And Close Your Eyes [18 May 2005|04:08pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

?I Don't Know?

Lord,
Why? I just don't know
It seems as if she can never heal
She's deeper in the darkness than I can repair
I don't know her intentions, reactions, or feelings
She NEEDS to be deep in You
I try but I forfeit
I cry because sometimes I just can't be around her
Maybe it's because she hates you
Or maybe it's because she's complaining of how hurt she is
And then changing it to false happiness when her guy comes around
She has no respect for herself
No care for herself
Yet she is great and wonderful
She is all these things at the same time
She thinks popping a pill will make it better
Yet she also thinks throwing it up will too
She thinks hurting herself will make the pain go away
But no, it stays
Growing each and everyday
She has to take control before she loses it
Nail her up Lord, tack her down PLEASE
Make a smile out of her forlorn frown
Cleanse her soul, make her pure
Make her yearn for You Lord
She needs to know not only is she hurting herself
But she's hurting me
Stop her from being selfish
That's all she thinks about is herself
I tell her about you, I show her how happy she could be
Yet she just rejects it
I guess right now she wants to be all these horrible things
But Lord, PLEASE, forgive her
If it's forgiveness she seeks.

†Courtney†Alexandra†Pressler

1 //i rock.

Why are you trying to make fun of me? [18 May 2005|06:31am]
[ mood | recumbent ]

Haven't wrote in awhile and i got some time. Well on Monday i went to Cara's house and then yesterday Chelsea came over and we worked on my dance and made our costumes. Then i might go to the movies with Kylie and all them but i just don't know yet. AHH i have so many Best Friends. But i love each of you the same. I hope i can just balance everything without any fighting or hurting someone's feelings...idk. I am SUPER EXCITED for Summer Camp!!! GAHH you have no idea, I can't stop counting every minute or everday up until then. Kylie it's gonna be so great. Talked to Wesley as always last night and he said he might come down curing his birthday which is June 18 i think? lol but he's not sure yet. I love him he's really awesome. He just makes me feel better with things and since he's known me the longest (besides Cara) it's just extremely comfortable talking to him about everything. I'm not afraid he will think i'm a stupid. I don't know i'm just glad i have a guyfriend like that too. Because eventhough i love you girls sometimes you just need a guy to talk to in a different point of view. Kylie you should know what i'm talking about. Oh my goodness i had THE WORST anxiety attack yesterday. When i came home with Chels there was 2 packets of Summer School registration on the table. I was like umm ok i am not failing ANY classes. I only have a C or well now 2. But that isn't the end of the world. I hope they just came in the mail and that my dad just left it there. IDK. Then since me and chels needed shirts he took us but on the way out i was like crap i don't have any money and usually my da would get mad or something so i was having an attack over that. But then he said just ask mom for a 20$. Wow i guess i' still just prone to him blowing up all the time. I hope he stays this way. Forever.

Prayer:
Dear Lord,
Help me to understand my dad's intentions and not meet them but him recognizing i try. Please help Chelsea. She thinks that a guy can solve all her problems. Idk. I wanna talk to he about it but i don't want to get her mad at me Lord and i will talk to her but just give me more strenght to be totally confident in doing it. And just let everyone in my life know that i LOVE them. Thank you God for giving me them.

i rock.

I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. [11 May 2005|04:47pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

I am really sick of being tired all the time. I go to bed at nine but still get scared in my own room. I go into my sister's room and sleep in there. So i wind up going to bed at like 10:00 and i cried last night because i just couldn't get comfortable and idk i just felt horrible so i cried. My room still has a bad feeling in it. Something's just not quite right in there anymore. I get home and the first thing i do is go to sleep. That means i automatically don't have the urge to do my homework so i don't do it. I haven't done my hw 2 days so far. I hate lying to my parents about it too. It just weighs down more on my heart and soul. So today i told my dad everything i had for hw including the math he is going to check tonight. But uhh it's almost 5 and i still haven't started and i still have music at 6:30. UGH i cannot wait until i'm done with my lessons!! After tonight i only have to go 2 more times. SLEEPY...ZzZzZzZzz that's is all i seem to do now. Just proves that i really need school to be over already. Today was a great day. I wasn't that tired but i still was. I was hyper today and in such a great mood. For some reason i'm really craving a coke (random) lol.

Ok i'm gonna go real deep right now and tell you guys how i truly feel about things and about myself then i shall pray. heh.

I feel like i'm deteriorating. I'm tired, i am extremely lazier then i have ever been in my life, i just don't really care about anything anymore, and i have a lot of hate for things and seems like there craming and pushing me around. It's like i can't get away from all those bad things. They always come back.

Things i HATE:

† Ms. Steiman and dance. We have to perform in less than a week and i still don't have anything done. Failed an essay in that class.

† Drum lessons and having to go.

† Mrs. Diggs and crappy spanish crap.

† Computer class. We have yet ANOTHER thing due in less than a week and my partner Colleen wasn't here today so i didn't do ANYTHING.

† My cussing i really try not to but i always seem to let it slip.

† Hoping Cara will be in a good mood. She is going thourgh a rough time and idk what to do to help her. I want her to be happy.

† Cara's dad and her step mom Sally.

† Being tired ALL THE TIME.

† Being SO LAZzZzy.

† Amber frickin Luckett she pisses me off so bad. I wish i could make her bleed and then skin her flesh off and burn it in a fire while i laugh and say" Serves you right, BITCH." Then with her bones i would let my dogs chew on them for a treat.

† School i wish i could burn it down with Mrs. Steiman and her unborn baby & Mrs. Diggs in it.

† My headaches that have not gone away in a week. I have one now. GREAT.

† I HATE the devil i wish he would finally just leave me alone he is such a bastard. I would wish him to hell but he owns it.

† Julia being in such a depressing mood. I wish i could help her too but idk know how either.

† HOMEWORK

† My anxiety everytime i come home.

† Just being lazZzZzy. The reason why i think i am lazy is because i don't think i have anything to live for but i know i do have to live duh.

† I am breaking out pretty bad again and i wish my hair was blonde again i HATE it.

† I don't think i am attractive so i hate myself.

† Having people breathing down my neck all the time (parents) i will never meet my dad's expectations.

† I have an eating problem. It's ruining my health too.

† People who take their friends for granted and treat them like crap *cough* *cough*

† I think you get the idea.....

WOW i HATE alot of things.

I REALLY need to get my butt to church because i haven't been in like a week or two which is so screwed up and i think that's why i'm so lazy. I'm not motivated anymore and i really need CHURCH to do that.

I am SO EXCITED for summer camp! GAHH i can't wait anymore!

Well i'm going to Chelsea's house on friday with Kyle her bf. It's gonna be great he's so funny and so is chels and so is me! haha yeah...
IDK i have so many things i want to do but i just don't find myself getting even close to doing them.
I LOVE GOD & JESUS WITH ALL MY HEART PLEASE LORD I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW AND ALWAYS.

†Prayer†:

Dear Lord,
Please help the people i love right now they really need you. Help Cara to stand up to her dad and get the message across that him beating her is damaging her and killing her. Let her know that I LOVE her so incredibly much. I want her to be happy. Help Julia with her depression and all her problems. It's ruining her life. She needs your guiding light Lord so help lead her towards you and feel just how much you love her and how much everyone else loves her too. Also help Chelsea with her depression too. She seems to be getting better and i can see her laughing and i am so thankful. Thank Kylie for everything she does. She does so much for other people including me and just help let her know that i love her so much. With out her idk. I'm just thankful that she came in my life again when she did. Lastly Lord i need you. Well all the time but please just relax me and just give a boost to get things done. I love you. And as always that will never change. In Jesus' name i pray,
Amen†

LOVE Him,
Courtney†

2 //i rock.

Left Behind [10 May 2005|08:39pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Sorry Kylie i know i promised an long entry but i just had the urge to read Left Behind because i bought a set of 6! Yeah be happy! So far it's good. Love you.

Courtney†

4 //i rock.

You Can't Bring Me Down, But I Can... [09 May 2005|05:52pm]
[ mood | content ]

Wow. Is all I can really say right now. I really thought about things today. My life, relationships with friends, my friends, school, family, and God. Just everything.

I like my life but only sometimes i love it. The thing is i don't think your really suppose to LOVE it. That's saved for when you got to Heaven. Life is supposed to suck and make you wanna die. Don't give in to such horrible thoughts and get caught in that dark place. I was and i hated it so much but nothing was helping me, no one cared it seemed. Then one day came and it showed me how much i have to live for. I was finally happy again. You see life isn't about being or trying to be happy all the time it's about living through it and surviving to finally go with God and be happy for all eternity. He's working on everyone and putting us through things for the better. Trust me you WILL be happy again because good always triumphs over evil unless you decide to give in and give up. Just remember that. ALWAYS...

The relationships i have with my friends are good i guess. Some are kinda hanging on by one thread and the others are tight as can be. Cara, Chelsea, Kylie, Julia, and Wesley are truthfully the only people i would gladly die for. I love every one of them. Tey all have one thing in common and that's that i LOVE all of them and i know that they LOVE me back. I can depend on them and cry with them and tell them how feel. They NEVER make fun of me and they ALWAYS understand me. Cara is such the sweetist person you'll ever meet. She will never get mad at me even if i did something incredibly horrible to her. I can trust her with our relationship and i know she will always love me as i love her. Chelsea is SO understanding and we are BEST FRIENDS. If i did something wrong or i regretted something i would always tell her and she would tell me that it's ok and hold me. She tells me everyday that she loves me and that i'm beautiful and that she's thankful for me. She says I am the greatest and coolest person she's ever met. Kylie. GOD!! You are always there. What can i say you were the one who saved me. I will never forget that or you. You tell me you love me and that your thankful for me. You tell me about God and i love how we can talk about Him now together. I'm so happy that i get to expierence God with you. Truly without i don't think i would be here right now. Julia you are seriously the greatest person i have ever met. I love that you don't care what people think about you. You always seem to make me laughwhen i am sad. I like how we always talk about random people we don't even know sometimes eventhough it's not a good idea. I really hope you get better. I saw your eyes todayand idk YOU just weren't in them anymore. Julia wasn't there. But i know you are deep down inside. I know you have depression i can tell because i have been there atleast 3-4 times in my life. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself i know you won't but please. Think of all the people who love you. WESLEY carol bails i love you sooo much you juggalo. I can tell you how i feel and you always have my back. You tell me everything your feeling and going through and i help you the best i can. You tell me that if i wasnt here you wouldnt know what to do. We have so many great times. All i wish is that you still lived here...

Well my school work has been "okay" lately but the thing is i REALLY just don't care anymore. To me it's already summer and I'm just going to a job with my friends. haha. yeah but trully it feels like that to me. I care what i get for my final grades but not enough to do anything about it. I mean i will of course still do thehomework but i'm not going to apply myself as much. The teachers keep saying "Hang in there!" HAHA i fell off months ago biotch. GEEZ. I am not going to worry about it anymore.

Me and my family i think is the closest it has ever been in my entire life. My dad hasn't raised his voice or yelled in 2 months. That is a record. I think i gave him a wakeup call when one day i came home from school and he was starting to raise his voice at me i said "Dad are you serious? You think yelling at me is going to make me do any better? When you yell and tell me i'm stupid i start thinking i really am that's why i don't do good. Instead you need tobe supportive and say good job and you can do better next time or just be happy with what i have and what i am. I am never going to live up to your standards so let me live MY life and let ME set MY own." That shut him up right away. My mom and I have grown stronger eventhou me and her have been really close already. We talk about God and listen to chritian music on the way to school and everything. I tell her i love her everyday and she doesn't think i want something because of it. instead she hugs me back and says i love you too. Me and my sister have been getting in less fights and we have way more conversations. I loveher. I love them.

God Jesus i LOVE you SO much. GAHHH! Words cannot describe. I will never leave you. For you will never leave me.

Some reason i have been reading Jeremiah. I just let the Bible lead me to a chapter and so i start to read.Each time i read it's usually what im going through or what i need to do better.

Jeremiah
God's Reluctnant Messenger
*Jeremiah felt frightened and insecure-but he burned with a message.*

Jeremiah 1:8 "Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you." †

May God be with you and my prayers,
Courtney †

1 //i rock.

[04 May 2005|05:02pm]
2 //i rock.

I hate this... [01 May 2005|10:30pm]
[ mood | sad ]

All along i thought maybe, just maybe he liked me.
I mean he kinda made it obvious but then not really.
But now, now i know the truth.
He doesn't and he never did.
He likes my friend. Of all people.
That, that right there sliced right through me.
It hurt.

2 //i rock.

Poems by Brittany [28 Apr 2005|06:11pm]
[ mood | happy ]

These are 2 poems that my sister wrote last night while i was at church. I had no idea she felt this way but i'm glad she wrote them and expressed her feelings to me. She loves me so much and she is really proud of me now. Haha ok here they are...

So Blind

Everytime she says "hate",
"I hate God"
Everytime she says those words,
They make me cry.
They make me cry,
Because God had been there for her.
She just can't realize his bright light.
Why is she so blind?
It's right in front of her
barried deep within her.
God has protected her,
from the evils and the wrongs.
But she just can't see.
She is blinded with darkness,
A darkness to which she can't see through.
She can't seem to crawl through and find the light.
I guess I'm blind too.
I can't see how she could have so much hate for Him.
He has been there for her.
Through the odd and evens,
From the inside oat.
Wht?
Why would she hate him?
Choose darkness over light?
Hou could she hate God?
The one savior that's loved by many.

-Brittany Pressler
--------------------------------------------

Why

My sister
She hates Him
She says he hasn't done anything
Anything to help.
Anything to make he believe
Believe that he is there foe her
To help her
She thinks he's the reason why bad things happen.
She always blames him
It's not his fault,
It's the one's that hurt her who are at fault.
But she doesn't realize.
Realize that he's there for her.
Trying to help her.
Help her make it through.
She should always know that no matter how
horrible something is,
She should always believe that he,
The one and the only,
Is there for her.
To help her.
Our Savior.

-Brittany Pressler

1 //i rock.

Kylie & Nick...You helped me find the Light...you helped me find Him. [28 Apr 2005|04:17pm]
Let me just say that any of you who don't believe in God is missing out. I'm not dissing you in any way I'm trying to tell you that he loves you so why don't you love him back? you know? It's always there and so is He. He will never turn his back on you and leave. He loves you SO much and if you could just let Him into your heart you would feel how much He does LOVE you. And all you need to do is LOVE Him back. It's not hard but when you are blinded with such bad thoughts and darkness like I was you could hate Him alot. Thankfully though I had Kylie and Nick save me. They truly did. And I promise you that for the rest of my life i will never leave you two or GOD. Ever. Because there is no reason for me to. No reason whatsoever. I have never been so TRULY happy like pure happiness in my life. And all of this is coming from God. I know it is i mean how could you or anyone deny this great feeling? I can't believe i EVER did. To tell you the truth you guys, i have never told anyone this but only Nick a few days ago. Every time i would laugh or be in a good mood or just think i was happy, i would feel guilty for it. Everytime i would laugh i would stop myself for no reason at all and feel bad that i did because my self being at that time was just SO low. I would hurt myself. I would and i was ashamed that i did. I cut. I cut through my very own skin God made for me. And i cut for no reason at all but just for Hate. Hating myself for feeling like shit ALL the time. I know i will have scars on my own wrist but each time i look at those scars i will think of how much happier i am now and that i should and NEVER will go back to that dark place. Kylie touched them and told me that God loved me and he would forgive me if i asked. Kylie held me and cried in eachother's arms. I swear at that moment the whole time me and Kylie were hugging that i felt God. I felt Him loving me and forgiving me and letting me know He was there. He lifted all the heavy baggage off my own shoulders and freed me. I LOVE HIM. From that moment on i have been so happy. Kylie said that i'm a miracle and i feel so lucky. Words cannot describe. I LOVE HIM and you guys.
1 //i rock.

DONE. [05 Apr 2005|07:47pm]
[ mood | blank ]

UmMmMmm...I'm thinking of taking a LONG time off from LJ or just not use it anymore. I have been thinking bout this for some time now. I mean lately i have found more things to do that are more meaningful than wasting my time away in front of a screen. IDK i'm starting to learn more things about myself? hah yea just go with it. It's like i'm shifting into a new place. I'm not there yet but hopefully i will be soon. Yea...so i miss going to the movies SOOO much. I think i'm going with Chelsea but i'm not sure yet. Me and her are getting pretty close. :]. Okie dokie well i LOVE LOVE LOVE you guys SOOO much!! <3*smooches*!!~!~!~! BYE!

i rock.

?'s [04 Apr 2005|09:07pm]
A - Age you got your first kiss: 14
B - Band listening to right now: Matchbox 20-[No One's Tried To Give You What You Need]
C - Crush: Albert
D- Dad's name: David
E - Easiest person to talk to: Chelsea, Catherine, Cara, and Julia. Wow that's a lot.
F - Favorite band/artist at the moment: KoRn (will always be)
G- Gummy worms: Good.
H - Hometown: Gilbert, AZ
I - Instruments: Drums
K - Kids: 3 Hopefully ALL BOYS!
L - Longest car ride ever:All over Colorado and back.
M - Mom's name:Diana
N - Nicknames: Crouton & Corty
P - Phobia[s]: Clowns AHH seriously...and love kinda. idk i'm just scared of it...
Q - Quote: "From what I've seen, your just one more hand let down...I am with you now..." More like lyrics.
R - Reason to smile: Sadly and lately haven't smiled much. Chelsea makes me smile thou when we goof off. haha
S - Song you sang last: Alice In Chains-[Man In A Box]
T - Time you woke up [today]: 5:30
U - Unknown fact about me: I almost died when I was born.
V - Vegetable you hate: Peas YUCK!
W - Worst habit(s): Doubting myself.
X - X-rays you've had: On my knee because it slides out of place sometimes.
Y - Yummy food: CHEESEBURGERS!!!!!! whoop whoop!
Z - Zodiac sign: Virgo as in VIRGIN biotch! hah yea...
i rock.

Palm Reading [03 Apr 2005|05:18pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

Well this weekend was pretty fun. On Friday I got my hurr died. I like it actually now that i'm getting used to it. Saturday after my hectic job at 4 I picked up Catherine to spend the night.  It was great. We watched Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind. I thought it was really good. It is so on my favorite list. We were up forever just talking and trying to go to sleep. Today we went to the Renassaince Festival...it was pretty cool. Lots of poeple were dressed up and stuff. We saw a couple of funny shows and me, Catherine, my sis, and Abby when on this ride were you have to pull a rope to go higher it was fun. And then we went on this trampoline thing and i went so frickin high into the air that by the time i was done i could barely walk and my mouth was dry like hell. We spent like 4 hours there. I had a great time. Especially when i got my palm read. It was so bazarre because like at frist she said ok let me see both of your hands. The first thing she said was that i have a high poison line. Like if i did drugs, drink, or smoke it would get in the way of my dreams and destroy my life. I think she kinda knew i smoked because she said yea you don't want to get into that again. I was like shit um ok next subject. Then she said are you having problems? I see alot of sadness over a long period of time. I said yes. She asked know are you in a fight with a friend or family? I thought NO WAY how could she know that? I said yes my friend and I aren't on speaking terms at all. She doesn't know how much it has affected me. Eventhough i know it has affected her, I heartfully apologized. She said hmmm is it over a boy or some boyfriend she may have? I said yes. I told her that she is a Christian and truly believes in God and does everything she can that is holy. She said well that is a great goal but nobody is perfect. I said yes i know and i have talked to her about it. It was mostly about abstinence. She said WOW now that is a whole other thing. You see you can say you are abstinant and TRY to be it until your married but it is not logical. Even before your time or my time. You see even Jesus Christ himself wasn't. He had a son and wasn't even married. Now you say see is a Christian right? Yes.  Well how come she still hasn't forgivin you? After all it is in the Bible itself.  IDK. Well i see that this is hurting you and it will continue hurting you, you possibly will not be best friends anymore but on speaking terms. That is better than having her as your enemy. If someone can't see how hard you are trying to apologize and how sorry you are than it's not worth it. It's best to move on , trust me there are better people in your life who will bring you out of your dark aura right now and into more happier times. She almost made me cry. I was like wow she is giving me such great advice. Ok then she said hmm i see that you have a job or will get one soon. I said i have one already. She said oh yes saving money for a car. I said whoa yea that's the only reason why i have the job. Then she told me that i will marry around 24 to 25 and have 3 kids most, if you want any. I was like OMG at this point because ever since i could remeber i have always wanted 3 kids. But lately i really don't know because know a days people just don't know how to teach or disipline their kids and all they do is drive me the fuck nuts so it kinda ruins it for people who want kids. That's why she said if i wanted any. She said that she see's me going to college and moving out fairly early to hopefully be free of my dad. She also said that she thinks i am getting good grades. ( I only have one C know) she said that she can tell i have been working hard and that lately i have been tapping into myself alot more. She said know is the first time in my life that i'm getting to know me on a diff. level. She said that i am stubborn, strong willed, caring, compassionate, and healing. I could enter a health field and do really well in that and she said i could even teach if i wanted and succeed. I told her that i have no clue what i want to be when i get to that age. She told me not to worry and that it will come. THEN lastly she said that this summer or when the weather starts getting warmer I will be dating someone. (YAY!) haha then as i left she said don't worry you'll be happy sooner than you think. That right thurr was ALOT and you know what she made me think of a lot of things. Eventhough it was uhh heh 25$ i think it was well worth it. So yea i had a pretty good weekend but i am tired as poop.

11 //i rock.

got my hurr did.... [02 Apr 2005|08:27am]
oh god idk. It's just not BLONDE. ugh blonde is better. waay better. idk but i don't think the brown came out right or something i think i wanted it to be darker. i cried..... what's new.
2 //i rock.

..........CDP........ [30 Mar 2005|05:56pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

ok.....well since NO ONE is updating and i'm quite bored i might as well stop my week break from LJ...um right now i am just really confused? how soon is soon? i don't get it. it's like i said those things for no reason. idk maybe i just have to be confused a little longer but seeing as how someone is fine now i still dont get it. and is it just me or am i not liked as much as someone. someone it seems is loved more by someone. i'm not complaining but im not patient either. heh. umm ya if that stuff right up thurr made any sense at all. congrats catherine.

1 //i rock.

[24 Mar 2005|03:34pm]
[ mood | amused ]

This is a new band I came across and I think they are pretty swell!
http://www.purevolume.com/reggieandthefulleffect

2 //i rock.

RaNdØm [23 Mar 2005|06:19pm]

I just felt like making these because I'm bored and i have 15 minutes til my drum lessons...I might make more...idk.

ENJOY

Jeremy & Kylie.

Catherine & Flogging Molly.

Julia and a guitar.

& Chelsea

2 //i rock.

Frickin A [23 Mar 2005|03:04pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Mmmmm i'm eating corn flakes! anyways...

 

Good god today was just...BLEH! Geez there are so many secrets and crap and people talking about other people ( i have to admit i am one of them) but uh you know i just feel like being totally honest and tell the truth and just let it go. Ok well i am seriously on the verge of just getting new friends but the thing is i actually like the friends i have. I love them all to death. But maybe i need a break IDK it's just i am so sick and tired of all this drama. I mean c'mon you guys we are frickin 14-15 year olds here! We don't need this much.!!!!!!! K here goes...Kylie yes Catherine DID tell me the secret you told her. Don't be mad at her it's my fault i made her. But this isn't the point. I mean ok i know the secret that you didn't want me to know which i'm sorry. But big deal it doesn't matter anymore. I am positively sure you'll get over it. Once again this isn't the point so don't worry about commenting on that ok?. I just felt like i needed to tell you the truth. K Catherine you need to stop mouthing off and cussing at Kylie and Jeremy or who ever it is your mad at. It's really immature. I understand your pissed but it doesn't mean you have to make a scene. When you called Kylie a bitch today ALOT of people heard and said WOW THAT GIRL IS SUCH A BITCH and they don't even know you. So watch what you say, where you say it, and who you say it to. Kylie please just be considerate of your friends more. Listen to them. ALOT of them have things to say. I am SO happy for you and jeremy. It's great what you two have. But try and devote a little bit more time into your friends cuz believe me you might be losing some. (If you don't understand what i mean just ask me). And when problems arise it's best to talk about it and get it sorted out than to just not talk about it and pretend it never happened. Look i'm sorry YOU don't wanna talk about "problems" but we (as your friends) are just trying to help and discuss our concerns for you. Again Catherine well believe it or not dear and don't take it the wrong way but uh you kind start the drama sometimes. Whenever it seems to be getting better again you come up to me and say oh there starting to piss me off again djdgboisjdhguosdbdoijgdjiio ASDGHIWDGHIPSDHIPSDGBHIPDSG WDHWHIPEWHIPDSGHIPWGHIPRWhipewg it's like GOD catherine are you ever HAPPY? seriously i don't know what you want to happen but the way things are right now are the way they are cuz of you. Please just think about what you say and the situation. Oh yea and I wasn't "pestering" Kylie into telling me. Once again i was trying to help her and understand. But in the end i guess she didn't want anyone to know and i respect that. I LOVE both of you guys with all my heart and i think you guys just needed to hear this. I know your probably going to leave some.....commments and voice your opinion which is fine. Just hear me out this time.

1 //i rock.

[22 Mar 2005|07:06pm]
[ mood | confused ]

You scored as Islam. Your beliefs are most similar to those of Islam. Do more research on Islam and possibly consider taking the shahadah and officially becoming a Muslim, if you aren't already.

Despite the actions of some - who go against the teachings of Islam - Islam is a religion of peace; the word "islam" means "peace through submission to God." "Muslim" means "one who submits to God." Islam is the third of the three Abrahamic faiths, and it shares much with Judaism in Christianity; its differences are the acceptance of Muhammad as the last and final prophet, and the oneness of God - in other words, that Jesus, though he was a revered prophet, was not in fact God, and only one God exists. Apparently the Taliban could not read (though their name means "students"), because the Qur'an states that men and women are equal as believers, and that all believers should be educated and seek knowledge. Modesty in dress and behavior is required in Islam for both men and women to preserve the values of society and move the emphasis from superificial appearance to intelligence, knowledge, and God.

</td>

Islam

75%

Buddhism

67%

Christianity

63%

agnosticism

58%

Judaism

54%

Paganism

54%

Hinduism

50%

Satanism

29%

atheism

17%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com



WOW um well i guess i just haven't found the right religion yet eventhough i'm Christian? whatever but i need to believe in it more. i'm guessing. HAHA Hey everyone look at me! I'm frickin ISLAMIC!! WHOOP WHOOP no clue what it means.
1 //i rock.

[21 Mar 2005|10:01pm]
[ mood | tired ]

WEEEELLL MEDUIM was purdy friggin good! Next week's looks scurry...hahahaahhahhahahahahahahahah. Ok NIGHT!

i rock.

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